The Modi-fied Elections

From the land of Dandi march this certain Mr. Modi gave a big 'Danda' to the Congress and established his supremacy over the state of Gujarat. Narendra Modi got elected for his third successive term thereby celebrating a hat trick of wins. BJP won 115 seats in the 182 seat assembly but 2 seats short of their victory in 2007. This was the third win under the leadership of Modi but will Modi be there in Gujarat the next time around is a big question. The man set to be the next in line for the Prime Minister of the country, will he stick around in his state rather than going for the big prize ?? That we will see in the next episode of Indian Politics Season 4 presented by Fevicol and Zandu Balm !!

But till then there were celebrations and celebrations galore. The oath taking ceremony had a starcast of its own. Some media reports suggested that even Suraj Barjatiya was awed by the ensemble and wants to replicate the same in his next movie. All the top BJP and NDA leaders made their presence felt and yes Vivek Oberoi was there too. Come on, the guy deserves a special mention. It evolved as a promenade for exchanging notes on the direction of Indian politics and yes some basic minuscule gossip as well.

What followed was a showpiece investment meeting with all the top guns of India Inc. The Ambanis, The Tatas, The Roys and the Adanis were present. Its like taking corporate attendance and each one shouting 'Present teacher'. The program suitably monikered Vibrant Gujarat 2013 but should have actually been called the Modi show !! Not to forget delegates form various companies from the first World countries also made their presence felt.

But the overall picture is very happy and everyone is upbeat about the future. There were huge celebrations in Gujarat. Even the Gujjus in Mumbai organized grand morning parties of jalebi and fafda to commemorate this feat followed by Surati Undhiyo. Dalal street swung to the chants of 'One Mr. Modi' and the industrialists and businessmen developed investo-gasms. Please dont even get me started on the Germans and the Japanese. If one has a penchant for English grammar then this can be put as Gujarat happy, India happier and Japan/Germany happiest !!

So for now its time to dance .. not the Dandiya .. its time for Oppa Gujarat Style !!

Thats the last to be heard from yours truly .. well this year !! Dont get so happy !! We meet next year .. until then Happy New Year !!

The Perfect Hedge !!

India .. once called the Land of Gold now can only visualize gold in bulk in either the luggage compartment of cars in the fake chases of RGV movie or on the dashboard of real Bappi Lahiri. India thrives nowadays on its main five pillars. Politics, Religion, Movies, Cricket and Food !! If you are an Indian and if you are plying your trade in one of these five pillars then you my friend will never go high and dry. No, not the Radiohead song. Its just a matter of when to give preference to which pillar and that small entity called success will be cleaning your doormat. And yes that's the layman definition of Hedging.

Hedging as wikipedia would say 'is an investment position intended to offset potential losses/gains that may be incurred by a companion investment'. All of a sudden I am getting this powerful drive to pay my respects to my elders for completing their education sans Google and Wikis of this world. Massive Respect.

So basically hedging would work in such a way that say if you diversify your biz and when one is in doldrums there should be such a system that the other one is high on drums. And if you are shrewd enough, it will be one freaking orchestra !!

Lets all start with the Chuck Norris of all pillars, Politics !! It is the perennial entity atleast in India which has a sort of  demi God status. Its the supreme of all hedges. You can actually support all the other pillars by hedging them against this. When your political leader is unwell, throng the temples which might be owned by that politician in the first place (High chances). So what is not earned through Politics gets you from Religion. On the flip side, if the political party wins go and put loads on the feet of the Gods. Well the right direction is feet to temple to trust to pockets of the same politician. Can we use 'What goes around, comes around' here ?? Genuine Koschan.

Politics and Movies go deep. Step 1: Make your son an actor/actress. Step 2: Invest money in him/her even if he/she is a dumb wit of the first kind. Step 3: Earn in politics, shower in movie distributions and vice versa. If you did not get this, maybe I will explain Latur .. err I mean Later.

Cricket - India's national sport should actually be India's national hedge. It takes care of everything. Match is not interesting, go while your time away by eating, Food sector is equal to sorted !! Cricket career not the brightest .. build some biceps and put on face whitening creams .. some Ghai or Chopra will cast you for sure. Think Kambli .. I meant calmly (Whats wrong with me !!). And to top it all, when your favourite batsman hits a rough patch (Resemblances are uncanny) then visit the nearest temple to perform the maha yagya !! Just for your kind information, Hockey is still the national sport !!

Food cannot be underestimated under any circumstances. Especially when the circumstance is a fast kept by political leader. On one side it gets you sympathy votes for forthcoming elections and vitamin M for the party's treasury. On the other side when the outer world sleeps the phones of the nearby outlets are abuzz with the gourmet demands of the party workers. Gluttony is a small small word !!

Hedging is not as crude as it sounds or as I made it look. Definitely not the the eighth deadly sin. It has to be used in a good way so that you dont go bust. Gone are the days when hedging was just used in reference to botany. Corporates and Individuals alike, all hedge so that they earn the maximum cheese in this rat race. Now we know that the cheese was not just moved for the heck of it, it got hedged.

Aadhar for People, Support for Government

Aadhar is the moniker given to the Unique Identification Number or some of the marketing enthusiasts would say a 'Brand Name' to the entire UIDAI's process. Unique Identification Authority of India is headed by the once software bigwig Mr. Nandan Nilekani. Nilekani who has a successful software career with Infosys and multi million networth but this advisor to the Government tag is more important. Its more like any European football club is proud of its League title and the Domestic cup win but Champions League win is altogether different.

The UIDAI's mandate is to issue every resident a unique identification number linked to the resident's demographic and biometric information, which they can use to identify themselves anywhere in India, and to access a host of benefits and services. So for now the likes of Shamita Shetty and Tanisha will have a unique identity and not just mere star sisters !!

Recently the Aadhar card came into much news as government announced cash transfer rollout. There is a lot of excitement and anxiety both about the Government's stance over this step. Rather than doling out subsidies in the physical format, a model is developed where cash is transferred directly into the accounts of the beneficiaries. The identification of the eligible beneficiaries is sought to be done on the basis of Aadhar cards. This new identification system will be more than 99% fool proof and hence cannot be corrupted. After hearing this, I wonder the Gangarams of this world will break into a jig and develop a new dancing style. #GangaramStyle

But nothing in India is without hurdles. Be it municipal roads for the Indian cars or off late the English spinners for the Indian batting lineup. Then why an exception to this. The main hurdle is rolling out the remaining cards in just over 18 months and the number is huge. Huge enough for an ordinary citizen but not huge enough for an ordinary politician. For one it relates to a number seen in textbooks for other it is the amount of the scam. Yeah, so the amount is somewhere in the region of 38 crores. Expect last minute rush which would lead to increased inefficiency and even duplicity. Another problem to this magnanimous project is the biometrics. For most of the lesser educated population the word 'biometrics' draws parallels from something taken out from movies like Krisshh and Ra.One. So taking biometric prints that to for labourers and farmers is a difficult task in itself plus their prints vary over lifetime. Also iris scans of the population over 60 is largely unreliable. So if you are a farmer above sixty then you are screwed. Loss of identity alert.

Aadhar is solely dependent on National Population Registrar and the cards are issued to the people covered by them so far. Its like a token oriented line, no matter how empty the line looks you have to wait till that idiot ahead of you comes back from his loo break and gets his thing done. #PersonalWoes. Add to that the guessing game played by the government. They are waiting for the iron to get hot so that they can strike, instead only thing getting hot are people's heads. But the irons, the woods and the putters all will be hot when elections cometh. Golf analogy .. Rory or Tiger will get this !!

Its true that current government will use the cash transfer as that dangling carrot in front of Hungry India, Poor India for votes. Initially the subsidies only will be added to the accounts but slowly but steadily pensions, wages and even scholarships will be routed through. Model is foolproof they say. Model is implemented successfully in Brazil they say. We have got jugaad for everything in India they never said. We dont have everything what Brazil has they never said. Pele, Ronaldo, Adriana Lima and Gisele Bundchen just did a collective facepalm.

So then what next? If this goes ahead, anything and everything will be based on Aadhar card only. A certain meaningful 'conditional' cash transfer will go for a toss. Unless levied with meaningful conditions India will not use it wisely. What starts with subsidies and food, fuels and fertilizers will reach to hoarding, gambling and black marketing in no time. Its like double edged sword which even the wielder needs to be wary about.

How we wish some particular qualities can be distributed through the Aadhar system. Some honesty and dignity for our politicians. Some acting talent and class for our film fraternity especially some heroes and heroines. Some shame for the anti social elements and finally some writing talent for the author. Thanks !!