The Golden Pompous

Ohh the title bears similarity with a Hollywood movie .. with the animals speaking the mood !! Well its almost the same, the Bulls n the Bears have spoken and yeah Gold is worth its wait .. oops I meant weight !!

Well the gold prices which scaled record highs in the month of August had investors going gaga in the US and Europe. Investors preferred the yellow metal over the fickle minded equity markets.

Priced at Rs. 27136 per 10 gms in January this year, Gold is now enjoying premium price of Rs. 31219 per 10 gms as of September.Now even that cloud is wondering why dint I wait for the golden lining. Although this demand somehow fizzed out in the latter first half of the year largely thanks to slowdown in India & China. It seems like there are no mahurats available for weddings in Kerala !!

Its quite a stat that India & China account for 45% of global demand. Why are Chinese investing so much in Gold rather go and invest in Jackie Chan or Jet Li movies. However investment demand for Gold in particular has fallen in the two Asian giants off late. Gold has acted like that faithful Ramukaka or Deendayal giving steady returns in India over the years. While sensex moved like Abhishek Bachchan's career graph, Gold was the Rahul Dravid of all commodities.

Since Gold prices are denominated in terms of Dollars the equation becomes as clear as an Akshay Kumar movie. The more you see him the less you see other characters in action. Likewise the increase in the price of Gold means a big jolt for Dollar among other currencies.

Under these circumstances come a new wave in the market, the Gold ETFs. This product helps the gold crazy nation to accumulate gold one step at a time with minimum risk of theft or cheating. Transparency being a USP, Gold ETFs have no tax hassles and can become an Indian's best friend if welcomed with open arms.

But no matter what the price is Indians will not end their fascination for the precious metal. Indians are crazy about owning gold. No wonder, that the physical gold held by households in India is more than 15,000 tons, which is the largest in the world. The daughters will continue to get married laden with gold. The middle aged dad will always invest in Gold as a long term investment inspite of better investment options. And yes the festivals, our rich heritage will force even the sane of all to get lured away by the yellow metal. If this madness is not enough, the devotees move up one step ahead and actually are giving gold to Gods.

Hitch'Hike' no more 'Diesel'worthy !!

After pampering its more glorious brother, The Petrol, the government finally paid some heed to the neglected sibling and restored parity thereby ending an unsaid family feud !! Petrol vs Diesel.

The recent hike in Diesel prices was perhaps a step to decrease the monetary difference between the two fuels. In a way Government acted like a Robin hood trying to diminish the difference between the rich and the poor.

However, there is an alarming difference. Hikes in Petrol prices come as often as hundreds flowing from Virat Kohli's bat whether its a Test or an ODI. On the other hand, Diesel hike is like an Ashish Nehra 6 wicket haul, you know that it occured but have to strain your memory to actually recollect its existence.

So the Prime Minister and the GOI took a gutsy step is what they said, but PM will lose his guts for opening his mouth for the first time they never said !!
Agreed that it was a bold step and that there will be no rollbacks even if the grumpy Bengalan loses her vocal cords while agitating, but it had to be. Hikes in Petrol had reached its saturation and there was no way it could bear more. Poor Petrol seemed like that 10th standard kid who is loaded with IIT entrance studies.

But the fact still remains, Diesel increased by Rs. 5 and to add to it rationing in LPG as well. Not the ideal scenario for the truck driver with a joint family. Loss on the road and off the road too !! Poor bugger !!
And coming directly to the point - our interest - well for starters the diesel car segment will raise a huge hue and cry increasing the prices of cars regards to or regardless of the increase in production cost. Basic necessities which come to our doorstep in a diesel infused vehicle will see a rise. *Shopkeepers like this*

As for the LPG 'reforms', the family heads now have a new line on their brow. How to tackle the 6 cylinder crisis. This is much bigger than the Asian crisis of 1997 or even the Sub prime crisis of 2008. No more fancy items in order to save fuel so that the family does not need to invest in more cylinders at exorbitant prices.
So now there is a clear cut definition for any average family guy. It goes something like this. An average family guy can be defined as one with a 2 cylinder scooter, a 4 cylinder vehicle and a 6 cylinder family.

Scams n Scandals: A documentation nightmare

With the onset of these scams and scandals all round, there is a popular trend practiced by the Indian media to coin each one of these. We have the PornGate & the very recent CoalGate !!

But we definitely need a better naming system going forward and especially at the speed with which these politicians are indulging in these scams. Yeah indulging seems an appropriate word as these gluttons really relish these opportunities.

So what could be this naming system. A naming system should be as such that a Configuration management anchor of any CMMI level 5 company should also be proud. No loopholes !!

With files and reams of paper being wasted just to document the extent of these scams and their retrospective effects, its wise to make it all electronic right at the word go. In the essence of time saving, the party in question aka the politician should give the green signal to the documentation authorities the time he starts the scam. Assumption: Our law system is and will be on top of their level of incompetence. As for the 'Assumption', even our Finance papers need assumptions then why should my blog lag behind.

As my thinking goes, every scam should be denoted by a specific 10 numbered Alpha numeric combination so that all the records stay intact and distinguished at the same time. We dont want to take credit for someones hardwork, neither do we want to misplace someone else's credit. Yeah sarcasm galore !!!

So the pattern would be something like this XXX-##-XX-### where X stands for an alphabet & # for a number.

The system would be as simple as it suggests. Afterall our incompetent authorities cant find the root causes, atleast the documentation should not give them headaches.

The first three alphabets will be the code for the scam - a sort of alias. Let us consider an example. The Commonwealth scam can be denoted by 'CWG' while the CoalGate by 'CLG'. This originated first but was kept under wraps. The NSE/BSE ticker came much late. The prime focus here being that it sets across a common platform for things going on further.

Second come the 2 digits and the following two alphabets which represent the year of the scam and the details that go alongwith. Say Telecom scam started in 2010 so the base year will be considered. But we here are the liberal kind and we do not discourage them from making further bifurcations in the scheme of things. Even the Hindi movies have sequels then why deny these innocent politicians. So the two Alphabets denote the subsections going right from A to Z and continuing till AA till ZZ. As mentioned we dont want to deny the right to an independent scam as it is free India afterall. Cartoonists can go to hell but our beloved politicians need their claim to fame.

Finally the last but definitely not the least, the set of 3 digits which gives the number of documents for the particular scam. Scamsters please take note that dont be so 'beat around the bush' guys and try to cover the scam in less number of documents. Its more like have some shame not for the scam but in terms of saving electronic/cloud space for fellow scamsters.

So dear Politicians please help us in our process of efficient handling of your documents and give your utmost support. We will be forever obliged.

Disclaimer: This is just a temporary solution. Any changes for the betterment in the system can be brainstormed upon with the me and the Politician incharge. Thanks !!

Who 'Flip'ped the 'Kart' ??

India is currently witnessing a golden period when it comes to Ecommerce websites. These sites are like emergence of a wada pav wala during monsoon, one every block. No matter which website you visit, educational or sports oriented, our very own ecommerce sites are there to welcome you. Yebhi, Wohbhi, MyKart, Yourkart etc. Everyone is searching for a stable business model but to no avail and please dont talk about discounts !! Discounts are being offered with the same magnitude and frequency as that of rebirths of Ekta Kapoor serial heroes !!

Till now there was some hope and that was the poster boy of this Dotcom boom i.e. *drumroll* Flipkart !!

But now even Flipkart might be in trouble. By the looks of it, Flipkart looks a solid foundation with considerable profits & sizeable market share but infact its a company in dire need of funds and is working on negative cash flows.Flipkart has already gobbled up $181 million from two separate Venture capitalist funding and the hunger still prevails.

Accel Partners & Tiger Global are very much in the mix with 48% holding after their investment while Bansals (the mom-dad of Flipkart) hold around 37% in the brand. With this share, its difficult for them to negotiate a deal to save their baby. Flipkart who currently has a revenue of $350 million was having a profit margin deficit and only recently got to a 2-3% profit margin that too after extension of product catalogue. Thats the main reason they cannot get listed on the local stock exchange and get money in through IPO owing to the stringent entry norms. So one of the lucrative options they have left is to get listed abroad or sell off the business and go for Char Dhaam yatra !!

So consider this current scenario where Flipkart is looking for funds from people and people do come in handy not just by buying books at discounted rates but investing in the brand too. How would that go if some of our country's finest lend their hand and in return look for Flipkart to for some inspiration out of their business model to get their business done? Lets take a sneak peek !!

Our ministers will be the first to seize the opportunity (as always) and take help of the 5000 odd delivery men to transport their black money from one hand to the other. Obviously the question marks will be there on how legitimate the investments are !!

Next our various sports teams in India especially the Hockey team after its disastrous performance at Olympics will provide some funds and in return will wear Flipkart on their jerseys. The primary motive being that they will deliver on time.

Next in line would be our not so successful actors like Fardeen Khan & Harman Baweja who would invest in this ecommerce venture and take lessons from them about how to diverse their portfolio with more things to offer than just one 'blank face' before the camera !!

Not far behind would be our directors who would look to induce the 'Pay after delivery' system with respect to the payments of our heroines and their obese meddlesome mothers.

Also film distributors would look to learn and adopt the '30 day moneyback guarantee' from Flipkart if the movie does not do well.

Finally and as usual in the end, the mango people will make their small bid towards this cause by contributing the usual way i.e. pay for the items on show. Be it books or electronic items, there is no dispute that Flipkart is one of the names on everyone's mouths. Afterall little drops of water make the mighty ocean !!

An Autobiography of The Indian Rupee !!!

Hey, I am the Indian Rupee. The official currency of India. But nowadays its nothing official about it. Even so that I am cracking punchlines which are stolen from soft drink brands !!! Any speaker on any electronic media just bajaoes me to no end.

Everywhere I look its just down, down and down and poor Mr. Pranabda with his entourage is pulling me up. But he also gave up and now has risen to the 'level of incompetence'. So now that makes it two finance pros contributing nothing to this country. Enter Quick Gun Chidambaram !!!

Till some time I did not even have existence on paper, those long faced accountants used to write 'Rs' against a sum of money to represent me. So down graded you see !! Thank God for Uday Kumar for 'coining' my existence .. nice wordplay there *pats back*

Recently I heard there was a big debate as to who will complete a century first Sachin Tendulkar, Price of Petrol or My Price !! For a moment I felts very nice to be appreciated or is it depreciated, but then I realized it is all not very simple. The Dollar and the Euro were apparently taking their revenge for us naming our underwear brands after them. But in the end, Thank God for SRT that he saved us the blushes. Ohh wait ... my sentence just got into a circular loop. God save me .. err or is it Sachin !?!?!

But for a moment greed took over me the moment I got to know that once you turn 60 you get tax benefits. Obviously in this kind of scenario who would not want a safe and secure future. My paisa my baby just has me. I am the single father every paisa is looking upto. Some of my loved ones even seized to exist. They have been replaced by the likes of  'Mentos' & 'Chloromints'. Please 'dont ask again'.

Although it feels nice that everyone is talking about you. The RBIs n the SEBIs and even the non speaking 'on mute' person sitting at the top. Wow !!! I made him speak (note to self: Put it up on my resume).

But I have this sentimental side of mine too. Time and again I have been the reason these scamsters & corrupt politicians get greedy and even put my image in jeopardy. People call me all sorts of names, the likes of 'Black money' and 'Root of all evil'. It hurts. Although I am ready to take all the brunt if the society benefits. No no .. I am not forcing Tushar Kapoor to quit acting !! That is even beyond me.

So what now .. well I just got promoted. The government just featured me in a new avatar - a brand new coin #10 and its really very shiny.

Just hope that the government just keeps on pampering me like this afterall I am the national currency boss !!!

Ekdum saras che Captain !!!

Simply Fly is this man's vision but he has his feet firmly on the ground. The man who revolutionized the Airlines sector is back with a bang.

Captain Gopinath is in the news again this time for initiating the domestic airlines in Gujarat. And what a saras plan it seems to be. Gujarat being the hub of all the economic activity nowadays, the Shahs and the Patels will have no problems in travelling from Surat to Jamnagar. The airline is called Deccan Shuttle and will start 12 flights a day between nine cities such as Ahmedabad, Surat, Jamnagar, Bhavnagar and Kandla with five 12-seater Grand Caravans.

It is his third foray into Indian Airline business with an almost perfect report card. This man knows his exit well and plans everything to perfection.

So what does Captain have to do to make this airline a hit ??

For starters, yeah for starters he should include a top class and continuously rejuvenating inventory of jalebi and fafda. Nothing can keep a Gujju bhai happy than fresh jalebi - fafda in the mornings !!!

The khaman and the dhoklas should keep on coming as part of the munchies by the sides and not to forget the spiced buttermilk. Thats a must.

The flight timings should be arranged properly so as to no Gujju bhai and ben misses their daily soaps. You dont want to infuriate the lady of the house on basis of her TV soap. Then your payment and incentives are in a fix.

Also there should be a small temple in the aeroplane as all Baas need their bit of prayers and meditation done especially in the morning flights.

The speakers should play the latest tracks by Falguni Pathak & Preety-Pinky dandiya songs or else the refund clause will be triggered. You cannot simply take out Dandiya from Gujarati person's life.

The business class TVs should only play NDTV Profit & CNBCs of this world unless this is ensured the flight wont take off.

If Capt Gopinath ensures that such steps are taken then no one can stop the Deccan Shuttle to rise beyond the loss making horizons of the Indian Airline Industry.

The Legend of Gopinath once created major airwaves with Air Deccan but this venture will definitely include heating more microwaves than creating more airwaves.

P.S: King of Good Times likes this !!!

Maruti's love affair with Manesar

Maruti was the name of the car of a middle class guy and for some it still is. Maurti Suzuki ltd in all its lifetime has been one of the pioneering figure in Indian Car industry somewhat like a Dravid but now has been upstaged by the Kohlis & Rainas of this world.
Add to that the injuries and by injuries I mean the damages & conflicts it has been suffering for some time now especially from Manesar - the heart of Maruti Suzuki Ltd.
So when I write this episode, firstly I remember my Ecommerce professor who have been using this example as a part of his discussion and we did not understand the depth of it. Well now I do.
So the current scenario is bad. Conflicts, damages, deaths, plant shutdown, share prices down and what not. But was it the same all along ? The Maruti-Manesar love affair is long one. Since 2007, Maruti is enjoying this live in relationship and the oodles of romance followed.
And like those naughty vendors who disturb the romancing couples in gardens, the vendors of all bought out components fr Maruti cars just dwelled on the outskirts of Manesar to facilitate the relationship. Seats, glass, steering systems, electronic units, radiators .. you name them and the companies which make them are there.
About 70 percent of Maruti's 200 odd vendors are based in Gurgaon-Manesar belt. Its like for your ration, they have ten odd baniyas at their disposal then whos going to go to the mall for shopping.
Year after year the fruits of relationship (read as new car models) came into this world and the car industry accepted then with open hearts and stamped them as legitimate. The infrastructure which Maruti has built  is impossible to replicate in short period. Plans are made with a view till 2013.
But now is the time of domestic violence where the important cog of this relationship i.e. the trust has gone for a toss. And there stands this Gujju with open arms and strong infrastructure arms to steal Maruti from the clutches of Manesar.
So then how will Maruti fare in this new relationship ? The deal is struck. 700 acres of land near Mehsana and forecasted spending of 4000 crore rupees by 2015-16. But the love still persists. The management is not in favour of shutting the plant down although it has been shut indefinitely for now. The major factor is the skilled labour availibility as any local found is interested in partnership and not to work for them. Silly Gujarati business mind cheapshot.
But the fact still remains. Maruti to Gujarat FC from Manesar FC is like that interesting transfer which the entire Indian Political environment is watching. It almost seems that the transfer papers are signed and Maruti just needs to go for a medical. #FootballingMetaphor