Petrol ki Saade Saati #7.50

Government announces a hike of Rs. 7.50 in petrol and suddenly everyone go in Sonakshi Sinha style .. Gaadi chalane se darr nahi lagta saheb, petrol bharvaane se lagta hain. With citizens already feeling the wrath of taxes from the government & heat from the nature, this just is perfect as a part of the conspiracy against us !!!

But like every other thing in India petrol also felt the need to compete. Petrol price did not want the Rupee price to catch up with it, it looks for now.

So what does the Indian common man do to come out of this petrol saade saati.

Firstly, empty your petrol tanks from the respective type of vehicles and sell it for this price. Ready profit mate.

Secondly, employ cheap labour maybe one or two people to push your car around .. That is much cheaper than putting petrol in your car. Plus you would be that proud citizen who created employment in this bad scenario.

And for the most important part, forget about owning a new car in these circumstances. I for one has donated my toy car collection to my neighbour's kid. Not taking chances !!!

Rioters will have to make way for kerosene as the thing has to be burnt down anyways ... who gives a shit if it is with petrol.

Movies will have to pay too ... now the 'abla naari' type mother will no longer pour petrol all over her white saree that will make way for animation & green screen effects. As hiring a technology expert along with his to and fro flight fare & accommodation will be much cheaper.

In the coming days, we will get to hear headlines like Mr. Manmohan Singh has started his tour to meet car owners to pacify them after recent turn of events. Small petrol parcels will be dropped from the sky through aeroplanes on 10th of every month. Its just 100 ml dont get so excited. Police will conduct raids on petrol pumps just because the rate of petrol is 'high'.

So then what seem to be alternatives to this problem. Well for starters diesel seems to be the poor man's fuel nowadays. No hike for a long time. Dont laugh bitches, your time will come too.

The better option will be to use the public transport but it will be more stuffed than a fat kid's mouth in an all you can eat buffet. Then there come the bicycles & the tricycles but those are just the social publicity pangs reserved for the high society counterparts. And who will pedal all the way from Suburbs to Sobo for work. Poor guy will reach the next day !!!

So next time when the petrol pump attendant asks me how much money worth of petrol to be put in, I am going to opt for the easier option. Just sprinkle petrol worth 5 bucks on the car itself I am bloody going to burn the car !!!

That just leaves us to one solution called as Work from Home. That is the most efficient way saving both money & fuel but saves fat as well that too at all the wrong places.

All in all the Petrol hike is absurd and yeah ... Anna over to you !! Chalo Ram Leela Maidan !!

Once a King of Good Times ... now a Pauper to Pernod Ricard !!

We all know who the King of Good Times is ... No .. not Sid Mallya, seeing the current scenario he seems to be the King of Bad times ... well it is his dad Mr. Vijay Mallya. But once self proclaimed liquor baron and head of United Breweries has to play second  fiddle to Mr. Param Uberoi !!

 Param who ?? Well get used to this name as he is starting to make his name and he has dethroned the King. Param Uberoi is the head of Pernod Ricard which is a direct competitor in this 'Spirited' affair. Pernod Ricard is the umbrella under which the popular Seagrams brand comes in.

So what makes the two gentlemen different ?? For starters Uberoi focussed on his bread n butter or rather his alcohol n liquor giving Royal Stag a name on the international front. Absolut so kicked every other vodka brand in its nuts. Au contraire McDowells have seen a not so big growth but yeah they are up there. But yeah the bottomline is that Mallya is not the only big fish in the sea.

So when the heroes .. Royal Stag, Blenders Pride & Imperial Blue started flex their muscles for their action sequences .. UB had to beef up their baddies the likes of McDowells, Royal Challenge & Signature to compete. Plus then there was a crafty pricing strategy which made UB look like Piyush Chawla in front of Uberoi's Gayle.

So 'Have I made it large?' ... yeah indeed .. the high stakes marketing campaign bore fruits at the right time. So on one end the right ambassadors got in profits and on the other side Bollywood heroines just brought bad luck in good times.

Now what ahead ... UB still leads the sales but Pernod Ricard is hot on their heels and yeah there are many differences as well.

Mr Uberoi just owns cars and not a fleet of debt ridden airplanes. So what comes out of alcohol stays in alcohol business. Common Mr. Uberoi you are playing safe, make it large get one for you .. eh !!

Secondly, Uberoi & PR dont own a failing IPL cricket team which rides on just one man doing their business .. Bring along the Gaylestorm !!! And yeah the rest of the squad is so bored that dont get their chance in cricket so they prefer playing different games of molestation getting 'rave' reviews.

Last but not the least there is Mr. Siddharth Mallya who is making a habit of taking the limelight for all the wrong reasons. Dating a filmstar .. Check ... Endless partying ... Check ... Dressing like a transvestite .. Check .. Helping Dad in his business ... Well we'll keep that open !!!

So when Mr. Mallya came up to Mr. Uberoi with a JV offer rather than accepting, he turned to Barney Stinson for inspiration and thus the 'Challenge Accepted'.

Now is the time that Pernod Ricard is very well placed in terms of their business and Mallya is paying heavily  just to maneuver his toy cars & aeroplanes.

You my friend have been GAARed !!!

'Gaar' means cold in Marathi and that is precisely the condition of Vodafone in the current situation. For a change India and specifically Pranabda is taking a tough stance. Pranabda has the 'I am sexy and I know it' look in this scenario and we are loving it. Its like Pranabda says, 'Yoda ... err Voda .. I am your father' ohh wait .. it was Luke !! but you get the whole point anyways.

So what exactly is this GAAR. GAAR better known as General Anti Avoidance Rules aimed at deterring tax avoidance and would be implemented from April 1st next year. The finance bill said so. So this means Vodafone has to cough out close to 20k crore dollars. Apart from exercising the social norms of retaliation, they have their in their minds given up for sure. Then how would you explain giving the ZooZoos the pink slip and snipping old Tele Matches highlights with cheap commentary and exclaiming that these are the brand new adverts. Thats deifnitely called cost cutting.

So basically GAAR will authorize the tax authorities to proclaim a business arrangement 'impermissible' if they find that it has been done primarily to avoid taxes. Its like we know we hate Ravindra Jadeja but still certifying the reason after seeing him get out hit wicket in the very first match. Then once these arrangements are termed impermissible, then they will be denied tax benefits. More like if you are not 25 you cant 'legally' drink but that does not stop the Good Times to roll !!!

Analysts say that this will give the tax officers unparalleled powers and the likes of Yadavji and Pandeyji are set to increase their property in Patna. But there will definitely be some sort of supervision in our path to India Shining ... or more like India Auditing !!

But one big concern is the amount of FIIs coming into the country. The ill word spreads faster like two idle housewives of the Indian middle class househlods gossipping about the entire society in 5 mins flat. So UK to US, US to Germany, Germany to France and its a goal. Goal of not sending their money to India. But where do they go if not India. China has turned from Gary Coleman to Yao Ming in terms of growth and Pakistan & Bangladesh ... Bitch Please !!!

So after some mails, some telephone calls, some urgent faxes, and some delegates interchanged we have a settlement ... no not the Bangladeshi one near Dharavi ... this is a compromise of sorts. GAAR has been postponed for next year so that it allows government to frame clear cut rules after consultation with stakeholders. So then GAAR changes from being 'General Anti Avoidance Rules' to 'If GLOBE is AFFECTED, ADJUST according to REALITY'.

Build .. Own .. Transfer .. Millionaire !!!

No ... these are not some Infrastructure Public Private Partnership models which we are discussing here ... but these are the latest trends going around in the industry. Yeah its true, people are earning millions as a part of deals handing over 'their babies' to Corporate bigwigs !!!

We can go stepwise ... first the ingredients to create a successful startup !!

You need to be a student who has dropped out of a famous college or have successfully completed a top college degree ... either was the college name should be Big !! Obviously there will be a nerd or not so nerd gang with you .. take them along or even your fiancee (that if the trust is there and more importantly if she has an occupied top floor to her building). Second comes the place, well there are numerous options. The shabbier the place the better will your startup sound when it gets featured in Time or Forbes. Well a garage or a the attic sound so legit. Now the name ... this is the most important. If you are 'Able' to 'Mash' it out, nothing like it. But the name should be catchy and Insta(nt) devoid of Gram(mar).

Then you put your vision and mission to it, and some help from the nerds you recruited .. err you took along to make the dream a reality. Then like the making of Powerpuff girls, some sugar something nice and one X factor say a Jobs or a Zuckerberg (just the character) and voila there is your sustainability for the startup !!!

Now look for a big fish in the sea or better 'Google' it out. Do some over the top advertising and create you demand so high that every Cashmore will be offered 'More Cash'.

So when a one year old idea of helping wannabe photographers to give top notch effects to their rather ordinary photgraphs then its an idea of instant moolah rather than instant photos. But why did Facebook buy it for millions seems to be the big question when they could have downloaded it for free from Store or Play. Weird, aint it?

Mashable fell prey to the popular notion of big fish in small pond syndrome. They thought by acquiring Blippr they were the Trumps of this world but when CNN came calling suddenly they became the Kardashians with a flop series.

Zynga felt the need to 'Draw Something' but spending millions for doodles or pictionary is absurd.

Well atleast Microsoft made sense when they acquired Skype as you ought to increase the webcam sales dont you ?

This just in: Slideshare acquired by LinkedIn. Well LinkedIn are such fools, to store resumes of the candidates they dont need to buy Slideshare ... just open a damn account !!

But there are still some dumbasses out there who need to make big bucks before going out of business. Tell that to Dropbox to cash in on Apple(s) before Google 'Drive' in !!!

China 'Bullied' or 'Bears' it all !!!

China seems to be the destination to be ... Investors are looking to get their hands 'red' with a handful of China everywhere. While it is deemed to be THE upcoming market in the world but is it that lucrative for the individual investors ??
China's GDP has increased by almost 4 times in the past decade perhaps making it an awesome investment to buy, even better than owning an ice gola shop in this sweltering heat !!
But GDP does not act as a security, in transition if we look China's stock markets have hardly showed any transition. It seems that the Chinese production is running the marathon while their stock exchanges (Shanghai & Shenzhen) are running the 110 metres hurdles. Liu Xiang dont get worked up, its just a reference !!!
But the blame has to go to the Initial public offering system in place. The prices are heavily over priced for the benefit of bankers and underwriters but there are huge losses on the first day of trading itself. The small time investors have lost the confidence with this pattern. Pretty much like how Bollywood has in Uday Chopra & Tushhar Kapoor.
However off late a new set of rules for stock listing have been injected which would bring in much needed stability to the 'Roller coaster' markets. This would decrease the decade long financial erectile dysfunction and probably help China 'climax' at the right time.

So does that mean that a fast growing country disappoints the investors ? Well the analysts tend to agree.
Stock markets in China and even other fast growing nations came into real existence only in the last two decades as compared to the NASDAQs and the LSEs. Plus there is a severe dilution of individual investors as the investors tend to invest on both the exchanges simultaneously. The exchanges acted as an exit route for companies from their difficulties rather than focussing on investors.
The other main reason is the political and legal scenario engulfing these markets. The insider trading phenomenon had hit them hard. The investors or people in close contact with the inner most circles made substantial profit. Its very much like how the only person to know the syllabus right before the exam is the photocopier guy.
So the Chinese equity markets are in a transition phase and with some serious amendments made, they will make the grade. Till then its less sugar in your tea ... as they say 'Chini kam' !!