Poll-i-tickle

Elections in India is an event on its own. Forget a mere event, it is a festival with its own grandeur. There is a deity or atleast a person with a God like status and people at large trying to make the most out of it. For some people its the contentment of taking the right decision while for some it is grabbing the right opportunity with both hands and making a quick buck or two.

In the recent past, India was gripped in election fever as five Indian states embarked on a polling spree. While Delhi, Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh n Chattisgarh walked hand in hand, a slightly subdued Mizoram followed suit. When the exit polls and further on the results peeped out, India spoke and how. Sweeping victories for BJP and Congress not even in a 'state' to play second fiddle. Highlight though was a BAAP performance by AAP. A not so AAM performance by the Aam Aadmi Party !!

Delhi saw the emergence of a new power - people's power. More than giving people's party a chance the main agenda seemed to be not giving Congress another term. BJP quietly slid in and made the most of this tug of war for power. Even though selecting a chief ministerial candidate was decided at the eleventh hour but BJP look to have the last laugh. On the contrary Dixit madam looked out of sorts and the agenda was made to look as silly as Indian batsmen on South African pitches. Cometh the hour, cometh the man and Kerjiwal proved to be the one wearing the pants in the end. Now the whole of India knows what was he exactly doing during his absence from India against corruption. But frankly speaking, AAP has achieved a whole lot even with minimal resources that they should just savour the moments. Sit in the opposition and challenge the ruling party with the policies. An excellent battle ground for getting your army strengthened for the picture five years hence. Its a simple equation, if with this AAP can achieve this then imagine the scenario post five years. Mr. Kejriwal is here to stay. Till then let Harshavardhan safeguard the seat for you.

Rajasthan saw a different picture altogether. Vasundhara Raje led BJP sweeping all the seats and leaving Congress just a few scraps. Guess the voters didn't get fed enough Dal Baati Churmas, instead they got fed up of these feeders for votes. 

Madhya Pradesh saw the winning ways for Shivraj Chouhan and more importantly technology. For an election campaign studded with social media and rallies embarked upon 3D live technology, its fitting that Mr. Chouhan gives a winning pose a la Steve Jobs. Hindustan ka dil dekho, haath se chutth gaya !!

Chattisgarh was still very close to call but eventually saw new lotus blooming in the assembly lakes. BJP however should look to improve its knowledge about India's geography. They seem to totally forget about Mizoram or maybe thought that Congress should get something. How gracious of them !!

But the spotlight was Delhi and now with not a single party getting majority scenario looks even more awkward. Congress with as low as 8 seats could sit as ruling party if they play their cards right. BJP inspite of the good work could sit in opposition, maybe its just their trait. And AAP can embrace other partners just to make a government, the same people whom their pre election propaganda was based on. 

In the end we would just say, let's say yes to NOTA and get the Presidents rule !!

Its Showtime Folks !!!

The Indian Film industry is one of the biggest and widest of its kind not even in terms of substance but also with the revenues raked in. Whatever be the plot and whomsoever be the characters, people throng the screens in order to get their weekly dose of entertainment. India wont be India if the ticket windows don't have those Friday rushes and those mad hat movie spoiler alerts over the weekend parties. That's the flavor of Bollywood !!

Year after year new plots comes and go but one thing hasn't seized to exist. No, I am not speaking about our beloved Prime Minister's silence. Its the way how audience flip over. People appreciate the new plots with the same gusto as the old chewed maneuvers time and again. So when Momento inspired Ghajini knocked on the door what enthralled the audience was how beefed up Aamir Khan was and not the fact that 'Have I seen this before?'. Who gives much thought if the song is an Indonesian hit, we just like that it sounds much better when Pritam gets inspired and recreates music.

But the fact that the Bollywood hits pile on 100 freaking crores and off late even enter the glorious 200 crore clubs is not mere star power and good luck. There are some hidden messages worth gold dust in them. Lets have a look at some of them.

3 Idiots depicted students that being stereotypes will not fetch them good jobs especially when you are mediocre and that how three lanky people can ride on the smallest of the mopeds. Dont even get me started on Phunsuk Wangdoo. It sounds like thukpa stall name gone wrong.

Salman Khan is undoubtedly the king of these blockbusters with five 100 crore plus movies. This is largely thanks to the dedicated clan called as Bhai ke fans. They are the single biggest reason for the success of Salman Khans box office hits. Other actors are in search of such a dedicated fan base.

The hit formula is being Dabangg and doing it all over again and just being Dabangg again. Confused ?? But yeah if the sequel rakes in more than the original there are plenty of numbers in the number system. No worries .. just carry on.

Then there is Bodyguard. It showed us that a man with canon like biceps and beefed up chest can carry a name like Lovely and that its cool to love your bodyguard. If Dignity of Labour is all cool nowadays, make way for Dignity of Love !!

Ek Tha Tiger showed us that if the intelligence agent of enemy country is stunningly beautiful then dont give a tiny rats ass to your respective agencies. Just elope with her and start a family in an exotic location say Hawaii or Cuba.

Bhaag Milkha Bhaag emphasized on the fact that a biopic where the actor looked more realistic than the idol and moreover which doesnt give the facts in its totality still makes millions. Afterall its just a 'run' into stardom.

Yeh Jawaani Hain Deewani was an experience in its own. It helped late students and early earners relive their camping trips and made others like your truly feel guilty of not going on them when the time was right. Who knew Deepika Padukone esque girls even went to camping trips !!

Chennai Express taught us not to repeat cult scenes in 90s movies in this era. Giving a hand to a pretty girl to get her on the train is fine but lending a hand to four big ass ugly bodyguards of her is utter folly. Important teaching is that actors playing their age is in vogue.

Then there is Grand Masti. When you hold on to all those jokes of your graduation days and add a butt load of vulgarity to it then 3 weeks of success and 90 odd crores is what comes in. Severe procurement of sausages and bananas by the production house tells you the whole story, doesnt it ??

So now just become Besharam in your plot and create Dhoom on the Box office. Moolah will follow.

Split Wide Open ..

After years of protests and determination shown by the people, finally the far fetched dream seems to come to a reality. Indian National Congress declared that a separate state of Telangana will come into existence within 5 or 6 months from now. The proposed new state corresponds to the Telugu-speaking portions of the erstwhile princely state of Hyderabad.

The decision looked so causal as if it was decided by a coin toss. Thank goodness it came as Tails and not heads otherwise Headangana would have been weird. Thus Telangana was born. Telangana primarily consists of the districts north of the original Andhra Pradesh and dwells the capital Hyderabad. People have shown all sorts of agitations: Against formation of Telangana, against division of Andhra Pradesh, against loss of assets and even against the degrading quality of biryani in the top restaurants in Banjara Hills area. Top leaders have already showed their opposition with withdrawals from running the state government and even from Rajya Sabha. The main point of backing their opposition is that the new state will not be developed and will take a lot of time to be right up there. Numerous other points follow. But there are other things at stake as well.

Losing out on the typical Hyderabadi biryani is too much. I for one will go on strike too if I am deprived of all the Deccani eateries around. As for Charminar, I dont think will be much of a problem. Its simple, build eight minars or get ready to lose out on tourism money. The big question for this silver screen savy country is where will Tollywood move. The second biggest film industry after Bollywood is divided as to where to shift its loyalty. While majority of the studios are in Telangana but control of audience might be more in Andhra Pradesh or the future Seemandhra. New releases might come into jeopardy with big money at stake.

The geography plays a cruel game on Seemandhra. Take out Telangana and the state looks like the male reproductive organ. Now we get it that when the division happened who the Tom was and who became the Dick. Harry felt left out maybe he will stage a strike or revolt like the numerous groups and sects occupying Seemandhra. 

Telengana is not an isolated incidence. Many follow up similar cases have arised. Gorkhaland from West Bengal, Harit Pradesh from UP, Bodoland from Assam and Vidarbha from Maharashtra are just the ones top of peoples minds. 

Gorkhaland is something whch the residents of Darjeeling and surrounding areas want a separate state of their own for better running of affairs and protect Gorkha identity. The movement longs back as old as 1907 but could not gain momentum to explore the issue. Gorkha Janmukti Morcha is looking for prompt solutions but face opposition from in rule Trinamool Congress. Sudden movement in Telangana will give impetus to this cause as well. How often do you see only one fast food stall run in pomp ? The neighbouring stalls do quick business as well with nearly the same recipe. Get the point.

Bodoland is a demand of a similar movement to protect identity of Bodos which has been started in 1987 proclaiming 32 tribal belts and blocks on northen Bramhaputra as their own wonderland. Bodoland Peoples front is the body at the helm but face similar opposition as others. Here the main point is that once Bodoland is created, will the attrocities of various Bodo terror outfits stop ?

Vidarbha is already separated on cricketing grounds from Maharashatra and now might even look to go its separate ways on the politicial front. People of Vidarbha want a place of their own where no one is neglected and not stay in the shadows of political bigwigs running the state out of Mumbai. But this is not as easy as it sounds. Congress will hinder any advances for a separate Vidarbha simply for the fact that they need Vidarbha and their leaders for a sound majority and belittle NCP as well as opposition. As for opposition, BJP is pro Vidarbha but is that a mere opposition pre election gimmick, only time will tell. One cannot however dispute the fact that there is not enough leadership to drive the Vidarbha independence movement simply for the fact that it wont have stayed untouched for 40 years now. How many laymen have heard Vidarbha apart from farmer suicides and Umesh Yadav ?? More than political parties, individuals who genuinely feel for the cause should come together and drive it otherwise it will just be a Hollywood movie in Indian theatres .. talked about in the first week, wiped off in the second.

We all have learnt it one way or the other that sequels never work. Be it KBC or even MMS government. Only debarment to it being Tushar Kapoor and that was simply cause he was mute and the Eehhs and Ohhs were more funny than words. On a high level Telanagana was a hit with its motive but the other so called sequels around the country will have a tall order to go against. Maybe we can request Rohit Shetty to direct this cause, forget independence maybe we might see a couple of cars in the air and go back home with over 100 crores.

Young Red Devils .. over the years !!

This article featured on the sporting website Khelnama is about Manchester United Academy over the years and how it has produced and nurtured young players over the years. Out of all those players, some clicked while some flopped. Heres a look at some of the Young Red Devils over the years.

The link for the article: 

http://www.khelnama.com/130808/football/european-league-2012/english-premier-league/features/young-brigade-manchester-united-who-clicked-and-who-failed/11502

A Royal Baby cometh !!

For once Pippa Midleton was relieved that her derriere was not the focus of the tabloids. It was a certain equally cute thing, the Royal baby or the new born of Prince William and Kate Middleton. The Duke & Duchess of Cambridge had their new born but the entire United Kingdom rejoiced as if it was their own. On 22nd of July, the Royal family marked the arrival of the royal baby and the third in line to the much coveted throne. Poor thing, what pressure already  !!

There was immense media coverage with paparazzi going wild with glimpses of anything and everything. Be it the baby bump of Kate or the nurse who attended the duchess. The paparazzi just wanted snaps of the new His Royal Highness (HRH) so much so that when he barely touched his face with his palm that was deemed to be the first royal salute. It maybe a Royal salute for tabloids but its a big Facepalm to British media. Luis Suarez and Wayne Rooney like this status update already !!

This royal birth took British media by storm in terms of both coverage and revenue. Alistar Cook and his English teams cricket exploits were sent packing to the less lucrative middle pages and one off interviews. Rugby Lions also received a similar fate. Russel Brand found it disrespectful that his latest exploit wasn't taken notice off and he called it absolute 'Bollocks' !! Piers Morgan expecting such a change has already moved to Twitter fr his antics.

Well the baby was named as George Alexander Louis. The fans of Seinfeld actor Jason Alexander with his screen name as George Louis Costanza will be super proud. The sort of out of work actor atleast is remembered and is having his two moments of fame. The only hope is that this royal George doesn't look like this namesake George otherwise HRH will be seen more in anti baldness cream adverts of Telebrands. British betting sites like Ladbrokes & BetFred went into overtime to place bets for what will the name of HRH will be. Weirdly Messi as the name was a front runner too, cant blame UK if they want their own Messi. But somewhere I felt it was not thought off till the end. For a boy named George Alexander Louis will always have an acronym of GAL, its good that he owns half of UK otherwise this would mean lifetime bullying in school.

India was kind too in reception to the Royal baby. Either its the love for cute babies or just old attachments to colonialism by the British. All social networks were abuzz with the expectations, actual news of birth as well as post delivery overview. Ram Gopal Verma has announced to make a movie on the Royal birth saga and name it 'GAL ka birth'. Poonam Pandey and Sherlyn Chopra have already put their hand up for being George's girl friend and have promised they will maintain themselves with their Nasha & kheera respectively. Gourmet restaurants across India introduced a special 50% off on Fish n Chips to commemorate the royal birth.

Royal baby however has a rival across ocean in India, the very own Rahul Baba. This kid throws more tantrums than the royal baby will ever throw. Backed by his mother, baba is all set for ruling a democratic nation and need not stand in line behind individuals for his turn. Speaks a lot about British courtesy and Indian jugaadu approach. However one thing which is common is that both are darlings of the media, one way or the other.

But in all this buzz and chaos one particular individual is not taking it particularly well. You know who !!

Curious Case of Edward Snowden

The story of Edward Snowden is nothing short of an epic blockbuster movie and there will soon come a day when a biopic will be released on him with possibly Ashton Kutcher as Snowden. Who needs facial and character similarities if the twitter following of the star is beyond millions.

Snowden who is an American former technical contractor for the United States National Security Agency (NSA) and a former employee of the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) leaked details of several top-secret U.S. and British government mass surveillance programs to the press. He leaked the information to the Guardian which inturn published the information during July 2013 to make quick news and bucks. The events and the media coverage followed soon and as of now its Run Snowden Run. Apparently Lola is damn pissed after the spotlight shift.

Last heard Snowden had made Moscow airport his own and settled there till the international ruckus had died down. USA is after him like those hounds behind that rabbit like its hunting season. Its only fitting that Snowden is looking for asylum in the third world countries with pleas after pleas. Suddenly the influx of stationery to Moscow airport has increased a lot and likes of Staples are thinking of setting up shop there. It seems that Domodedovo market at the airport has already 'Snowden Sundays' for special discounts to the travellers who come there with a their picture with Snowden. Looks like Snowden took Tom Hank's Terminal way too seriously.

The newest of allegations are that Russia is making their stance through Snowden. Making a guy charged with espionage and theft of government property their indirect spokesman for other world matters, what a move Russia. *Slow Claps* This aside, why doesnt Snowden understand that with his actions he makes our very own MMS very insecure. At this age he doesnt need competition for Gods sake !!

Speaking of India, like always we were stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one side it was pressure from USA and the siding with the stronger just to make good of the political relations. On the other side it was the pressure of being a tolerant country pro towards being very sentimental in its outcome towards a problem. Now I know how star son actors like Tushar Kapoor feel. Movie goers dont want to see them featuring in any movie as a lead while their fathers/sisters/brothers/gardeners want them to feature in a movie and will spend a fortune. So as expected India chucked out and criticized his act as one not in the spirit of World betterment plus declined his plea for asylum as well. India whining in this case !!

But had India given him asylum he would have fit in easily. We are a society of people who take leaks here and there on the roads and along the highways and this Snowden leak would have made no difference. Speaking of asylum, we give unofficial asylum to half of Bangladesh and some firangs too, one more wont make a difference. Not so gloomy, he might even become a celebrity with games and mystery novels depicting him like 'Find Snowden' picture books and 'Where is Snowden' board game. Indians know how to make a quick buck or two.

Now every theatrical story should have its very own romantic twist. This curious case too has one. Many maidens around the world are going ga ga over his whistleblowing exploits. However ex Russian spy Anna Chapman went the distance and proposed marriage to Snowden on social media. Did not know whistle blowing leads to blowing of kisses from pretty maidens. So when this bombshell proposed on Twitter, obviously little birdies were tweeting .. oops chirping inside Snowden.

Snowden obviously tired of running around or staying put in an airport and in search of the much needed asylum, will look for something concrete. Nothing is more concrete than building his own fortress or a stronghold. Mr. Edward Snowden will start his own country, the magical land of Snowdenia. The country is no Narnia or Transylvania but the realities of life elsewhere will be covered with blankets of hallucinations. It will be a place where the likes of Bradley Manning and Daniel Ellsberg will find solace and peace. Julian Assange for once will enjoy not being in spotlight. Rather than facing the press, he will be sitting on a easy chair sipping cocktails and watching the sunset. Snowdenia will have areas like Whistling County for enjoying your vacations and perhaps a Breaking News fun park for all the enjoyment. Main thing will be that the land of Snowdenia will be free of surveillance. No one to snoop even if he has a big ass magnifying glass !!

A phase never experienced at Manchester United

Its an account on the current state of Manchester United after the departure of Sir Alex Ferguson and arrival of fellow Scotsman David Moyes. It gives some of the expectations and feelings of Manchester United fans and what the season holds for one of the biggest clubs in football.

The article can be found out at the following link:

http://www.khelnama.com/130703/football/european-league-2012/english-premier-league/commentaries/it-will-be-interesting-moyes-will-take-time-adjust-man-united/10392

Please note that it is included here purely as a form of collectible on the author's private blog and not published.

India's Version of Game of Thrones

When George Martin wrote his epic 'A Song of Fire & Ice' little did he know that several miles away, a country named India bears such close resemblances with respect to its political scenario. Our so called political bigwigs are actually fighting this battle to be one up over each other and claim the ultimate crown - The Power at the centre. The series pretty much shows a similar power struggle among 7 families for the Throne of Westeros.

Let us consider Mayawati first. Lady driven by ambition to be the best and aided by the learnings of her guide Kanshiram. She had made Uttar Pradesh her own before the father-son Yadav duo took over. When we draw parallels the only name which comes to my mind is Daenerys Targaryen with the able Ser Jorah by her side. Daenerys is a sharp woman with a blend of beauty and fighting skills but our Daenerys is much more than that. Who needs beauty when you can get things done with power and a following so big. Daenerys slowly and steadily increased her forces with acquisition but for Mayawati it wasnt difficult at all. Everyone aceepted her as the queen upon the elephant if not the dragons. Move aside the heart of stallion, this queen has taken her oath balancing elephants in one hand and opposition in the other.

Then we comes to Gandhis. Cersei Lannister & Joffrey Baratheon are splitting but slightly late born Indianized part Italian versions of Sonia Gandhi & Rahul Gandhi. The way of birth and other complications aside, the parallelism in amount of pampering in both cases sends a set of train rails to shame. One is a Justin Bieber look alike while other is as effective to the country's economy as Justin Bieber to US. As for both the moms, it was a close call as to who will win the hypothetical 'Make Son as Puppet to Rule the World' award at Fiction meet Life Awards. Similarities dont end here. While Lannisters are firmly behind this Baratheon Congress acts as Lannisters for the Gandhis.

Another strong female character is Catelyn Stark who after husband Ned's death is on her own and leads his children to the pursuit of glory, the Throne. She reminds me so much of Jayalalitha. A lady all set to take it all and the Ned-esque persona in her life was M. G. Ramachandran. The only differnece is in the motto here. While the Starks were focussed on the winter, here its 'Adipose is coming'. Its also the Adipose of power. Its often said that behind a successful man, there is a successful woman but behind this woman success, her cabinet, few hundred party workers and half of Tamil Nadu can successfully be camouflaged. While Cat had few bannermen by her feet owing to her power, Jayalalitha had the Indian version of Cyclops - Karunanidhi - always getting trounced one way or the other.

Maharashtra is an important state in the Indian political scenario. What picture I get is that its full of different personalities together making an impact. What intrigues me more is that whatever different agendas they have , all come together when the regional territories are invaded by outsiders. Night's Watch anyone ? Afterall they guard the wall from Night Walkers. Needless to say Lord Commander Mormont has to be someone who has politics in his veins in this analogy here. Lord Sharad Pawar is pretty much at the helm of Maharashtra's Watch at the Central throne. The new boy and the future hero Jon Snow, who better than Raj Thackerey. Here as well about the politics at the centre, You know nothing Jon Snow !!

Narendra Modi, the man who is virtually assigned the job to transform India. Tyrion Lannister, the man who is virtually assigned the job to make everything better in the conquest of Westeros. Both men are right in their own way, show might at times while other times let their smartness do the talking. Both faced severe criticism and people actually try to bring them down. The only difference is that whereas one is half a man, the other just by his presence makes a man becomes half his self.

Lastly our esteemed prime ministed Manmohan Singh can only be King Robert Baratheon. He doesnt have a say when the series goes in full swing because he is slain. Our King doesnt have a say anyways. Just one similarity and I rest my case.

P.S: Yours truly is actually tempted to map several more characters but keeping in mind the viewers and encoruragement to their curiosity, I am taking a pause. So think all possible analogies and reply. Thanks !!

Amazon dot IN or OUT

Amazon the etailing giant has setup shop in India hoping to make a quick buck or two in this off late tech savy country. Amazon Inc. launched an Indian edition hoping to capitalize on growth in online shopping in the country. Amazon.in, the website name is truly very symbolic as the name suggests the times ahead where Amazon will be so 'IN' the Indian markets that other book vendors and other online portals are going for a toss.

The website as of now sells books, movies and TV shows. The display will expand to include mobile phones and cameras in the coming weeks, some of which feature on the website already. However Amazon.in differs slightly from many of the company’s other websites in other regions. For the time being atleast it will only offer products from third-party sellers, rather than its own merchandise. Its like a first time swimmer testing waters before jumping in. Here, they are actually making the lifeguard test the waters for them offering their swimming trunks. Quite an analogy, this !!

But it was a well thought of process. Acquisition of Junglee.com and then getting a full fledged approval from FIPB to set up a wholly owned subsidiary to engage in “the business of online market place operator and retailer inter-alia courier services". Big words for a country who gets blinded by new and sudden bling. Amazon was welcomed with open arms. After setting up Junglee portal in 2012, Amazon now launches its own self a year after it. Its like the Sinha clan launching their top brand, Sonakshi to create visibility in Bollywood (not coz of her forehead but as an actress). And then sliding in quietly the Luvs and the Kushs to make some extra money for the family.

There was no doubt that Amazon had the potential to enter alien markets and get into their grooves quickly. Amazon offers certain world class services which some of the local 'karts' can just dream of. Customers get ready to read ‘fulfilled by Amazon’ on their orders in the near future. Customers will get the options of cash on delivery, delivery tracking to the doorstep, and free returns pickup. The best service on offer atleast for books would be the second hand books on sale with the condition of copy mentioned alongwith. The customers deserve to know whether they are buying a stylish in form Rohit Sharma or slightly defunct 'hair is a mess' Ishant Sharma !! Once this is on offer and some of their regular gimmicks, Bansals will surrender their offerings along with the 'kart'. Its actually a win-win if they sell the business to Amazon. Isnt it a trend nowadays ? Nurture a thought, let it bloom into a business and then 'Bech De' !! 

However, the creme de la creme of Amazon, its Kindle ebook reader is their main target as they look to rake in revenues from the sale of this gadget. The bibliophiles of India will have a new toy to look forward to. Paperbacks and Hardcovers of this world have been replaced by the pdfs and the epubs. Kindle will just put its own stamp of authority however the affordability will be a question in certain sections of society. The ones who will be the worst hit will be independent vendors and the book stalls who sell authorized first copies. The road side vendors will still go along their own merry ways. People will read one way or the other, if not the electronic way then the conventional way it will be. 

Whether Amazon makes hay in the bright Indian sun, only time will tell. The strong infrastructure and the changing Indian society works well towards Amazon's success. The online portal might be well received however sale of certain products might not be sky high as expected. And as I just conclude ... OMG the new Dan Brown book is 10 bucks more on Amazon than Flipkart but the delivery time is 3 days less .. this is a big catch-22 !!

From China to Chandni Chowk

No .. we are not reversing the atrocities which we faced thanks to Akshay Kumar on to the Chinese folks. Its more of a moniker to the recent visit by the Chinese Premier Li Keiqang. This visit comes after recent tense border standoff between the two Asian giants. Obviously the two sides did not meet to discuss the current trends and scenarios of contraceptives given that both the nations are population stricken. That discussion is outsourced to Bangladesh, afterall let them atleast contribute something to the World after Shakib Al Hasan.

So coming to the purpose of the visit again, it was basically to discuss the bilateral tensions between the two countires. Premier Li Keqiang met with Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and the two leaders emphasized that efforts should be made to resolve the border dispute between the two countries which led to a bloody war in early sixties. The minutes of the meeting are interesting though. Li hogged the speaking bandwidth and MMS' interpreter was the relaxed of the lot.

First and foremost, the border issue. There are two aspects: Sino Indian border and South China sea. Both are similar in nature as China has shown agressive tactics in both the regions. And days after encroachment along the border, Li offers a somewhat broken olive branch and takes an affirmative for MMS' silence. Its funny that more Chinese marching towards the border is looked upon as more labour for the 'Chinese Corner' handkarts in the ghettos of Metropolitians.

Second major point Li wanted to emphasize was on bilateral trade. China has become India’s biggest trading partner in recent times. Facts show that two-way trade jumped from $5 billion in 2002 to nearly $75 billion in 2011, although that figure declined to $61.5 billion last year because of the global economic slowdown. However bigger concern is that trade remains heavily skewed in China’s favor. But both sides seem to be quite optimistic that their goal of bringing bilateral trade volume to $100 billion in 2015 is attainable. What this means is that except loads of Chinese plastic goods in Delhi's Pallika Bazaar and Mumbai's Manish Market. One can so imagine Li Keiqang as a new age squinty eyed Santa Claus with no ability  to grow a beard and ready to dump his 'low quality' goods all over your city.

What the F moment here is that Li terms this visit as fresh strategic perspective to look at Indo-China relations and fostering economic relations as well but also makes curious inquiries with our grateful neighbours. China has shored up their relationships with Nepal & Sri Lanka and I am very apathetic to our unworthy western neighbours. As if the Italian governess was not enough to toy with our baby at the helm, that this Chinese baby sitter arrived too.

But there has to be some payback. I say take Li to the various Oriental spas around the city and ask him to recognize who among those masseuses is of Chinese origin. I say take him to Chinese handkart and make him have Chicken manchow soup one by two with fried noodles and extra schezwan. I say make him watch The Myth over and over again and make him thank us for Mallika Sherawat. Last but not the least, I say make him buy a gPhone or an hPhone and use it for a month without repairs. Then dont blame me if Li goes ballistic ...

Not mere Cricketers !!!

Once Sir Don Bradman said that 'May cricket continue to flourish and spread its wings. The world can only be richer for it'. And richer it got. Right from Packer's World Tourney to the ongoing IPL, cricketers are minting money. But what if it wasnt the case and cricket was upstaged by another game say croquet. Folks, please settle down its not going to happen, just imagine !! Then in that case what do these already rich, situational poor cricketers do ? Alternate profession calling ..

Some of the past cricketers have already made their transition in other facets and trades of life successfully and then there is somebody like Vinod Kambli and his movie career. No no, Agent Vinod was not the one. It was Annarth which is also how one can describe his movie career.

Take the instance of Pathan brothers - Yusuf & Irfan. Both explosive allrounders, one hits all bowlers out of the park while other troubles the best of the best batsmen with his swing and guile. These brothers are always ready for action and always into the thick of things which makes me think that they will have an awesome alternate career as action directors like our very own Abbas Mustan. Clad in such whites that even Tide and Ariel would run for cover and gold chains around the neck. With beefy dudes ready to put their bodies on the line and pretty girls waiting for their directions, all they say is Lights, Camera & Action !!

Then there is Ishant Sharma. Gods answer to a child's query when he asked how would a horse man look like. Ishant Sharma, the tall lanky galloping paceman is and will be a force to reckon with when it comes to pace bowling on green tops and has a good resume when it comes terrorizing some of India's worthy opponents. This apart he has a brilliant scope and fit when it comes to acting in mythological serials. He can become a low budget movie's Jesus Christ or even one of either Nakul or Sahdev. If the project has severe budget constraints, he can portray all the Pandavas as well as 34 Kauravas as well. The only need would be some pillows around the body to play Gadadhari Bheem. Last we heard Kanti Shah was frantically calling him for one of his esteemed projects.

Joginder Sharma - the Indian cricketing Legend who bowled us to T20 glory. Period. Frankly thats the only thing his record says. What a claim to fame it was and made him the darling of the country. But Jogi babu has and by now must have embraced his alternate profession. He can be the brand ambassador of pity and compassion. He can be India's official face when we take our pleas to the World Bank for funding and when we apply to International Sports Committees for letting us host Sports events. What Manmohan is to silence, Jogi Babu is to pity.

Shahbaz Nadeem is one upcoming slow left arm bowler who represents Jharkhand and Delhi Daredevils. Some of his performances and his miserly bowling have made people sit and take notice. But Shahbaz Nadeem has that killer persona, quite literally. He can be that second in command to Sardar Khan or whoever is the main male protagonist in the next edition of Wasseypur series and chant all along 'Keh ke lunga sabki' in the entire movie. If not there he has the sequels of Shor in the city or Shangai to look for as well.

Then there are Sanju Samson and Sachin Baby. Both are upcoming talented batsmen hailing from Kerala who play for Rajasthan Royals in the ongoing IPL. However both seem to be those guys who run a makeshift hierarchical home turned resort out of Goa or Pondichery. One can only see them as those cool flowery shirt clad lads saying 'Welcome to India' to each passing tourist.

Amit Mishra, India's premier leg spinner who not only has performed consistently at domestic level but also is the only spinner ever to claim 3 hat tricks in IPL so far. This master spinner is known for having one of the better googly ball but his alternate career is a very conventional one. Mishraji, as some call him fondly, seems that average joe kind of guy who sits behind the table of a municipal office and demands a small bribe at the fall of a pin. Mishraji will arrive one hour late and leave one hour early and that pot belly needs atleast one hour of lunch. No hat tricks here, every business will strictly be under the table. Silence please !!

Ashok Dinda is the head band wielding fast bowler from Bengal and has also represented India at the highest level. Off late he has proved to be a batsman's paradise. With his black hairband and coupled with a mosquito netted vest and a lungi, he is that around the corner butcher who specializes in those special cuts of meat. And where will he get a better assistant than his Bengal team mate 'Shammi' Ahmad to deliver those cuts on demand to the residents of the area. Gourmet delights for everyone.

Finally there is Ashish Nehra. No list can be completed without his mention and this is no difference. Nehra was once a premium left arm fast bowler India was proud to have the services of. Who can forget his 6 wicket haul which blew England away. Now he is having his renaissance period and is back to business with the IPL. Well, owing purely to his teeth he can have a variety of alternate careers. For Nehra it might be a regular set of teeth but for everyone else it is one versatile set of tools. Need to plough your field - Call Nehra. Need to dig sand for building sand castles - Call Nehra. Need to open a bottle of beer - Call Nehra. It is as if he comes with this note attached with him 'Nehra Mein Hoon, Daant Idhar Hain'. 

**All the images are courtesy Google and links suggested by Google. Although yours truly has tweaked those images to match the contents of the blog

All the Gold, Glitters no more !!

There is an old Roman saying that Gold is tried by fire and Brave men by adversity. In the current scenario, it looks like the saying has to be twisted and retold as 'Brave men are tried by Gold'. Those brave men who showed courage in buying when the Yellow metal was at its peak in worth. And now its sliding and how. This graph is steeper than the falling career graph of Vinod Kambli.

Gold was sitting pretty at more than Rs. 31,000 per 10 gms some weeks ago and now its a big struggle to be at even Rs. 26,000. Not bigger than the one faced by the last shirt button of then Adnan Sami. The experts are predicting a free fall and the prices to go downhill from here as well. However there is some light at the end of the tunnel as there might be a support at 22,000. The keen technical analysts would know better. In simple words, Rs. 22,000 is where you would look to stop buying Gold and hope the cascading stops.

Main reason is that global inflation is falling which ends up  reducing the value of the yellow metal as a hedging mechanism against rising prices. The so called market pundits who were betting on the wave of inflation  hitting every shore of financial activity are scrambling to reverse their bets. Their haste for the exit on their gold positions is greater than the haste of those people for the exits of theaters playing RGV movie.

Another reason for gold losing its strength could be the rising dollar. The green buck has also moved up on the hopes that US economy is emerging from its crises. Similar to how the morale of Mallya goes up once Gayle starts hitting sixes. I hope Mr. Mallya atleast pays him, afterall he wins them half the matches.

Second big reason just might be the speculative selling by investors seeing that there is a trend of falling gold prices. Not just that, simply small pieces of news doing the rounds that Cyprus is planning to sell some of their gold holdings also triggered the speculative selling in anticipation. Somewhere the capseller has thrown his cap and now monkeys all around the world are throwing theirs. Fools all around, or are they ?

Over the years investors considered gold as a safe asset having stable value that is indifferent to inflation. People are known to stock gold even if they dont find any quick inflows which they could have easily got in fixed deposits or scrips. Its like using all your money and buying Glenn Maxwell and using him as a waterboy.

Basically there are two types of investors: One who buy gold for consumption purposes while others for investment purposes. The consumption kind are on seventh heaven and rushing to the nearest Kalyan Jewellers outlet with shopping bags in hand and sparkle in their eyes. No wonder India accounts for 31.5 percent of gold consumption and that too 77% of that in form of jewellery. Power to women !!

Other kind is the pro investment type. They want to extort big bucks from the market and Gold ETF is their weapon of choice. The one time poster boy of Mutual funds look to have lost its sheen with an increased redemption in the last fiscal. And if the pundits are to be believed, owing to falling prices of the yellow metal Gold ETFs would see a severe decline in terms of the popularity.

But even if the investors and the retailers turn their backs on this precious, all need not go berserk as there will be this demi-gold, I mean demi-god who will come to the rescue. Main hoon na !! Like a Boss !!

My Dream is to Fly !!

Yes its not a mere English hit son .. the dream indeed is to fly .. the dream is to rise as a Phoenix from the ashes and not stay a mere Kingfisher anymore. The Indian aviation industry has been caught in the Kratos-esque vice grip of high oil prices on one hand and competitive air fares on the other. The quarterly results clearly show that all the high soaring airlines have reached an all time low barring IndiGo. So is there a turnaround in the offing, lets investigate.

First and foremost, India is abuzz with Tata, India's premier brand entering into a JV with Air Asia. It is the first foreign interest in the large Indian aviation sector.Air Asia finally received regulatory approvals from Foreign Investment Promotion board to invest in this venture. Air Asia's stake is 49 percent and they plan to start the services from Chennai by end of 2013. Major Whistle Podu moment this.

The new airline venture will be in partnership with the Tata Group and Arun Bhatia-promoted Telestra Tradeplace. Its basically adds three vital components: Name of Tatas, Money from Bhatias and Queens Park Rangers losses from Fernandes. Only the football fanatics will get this joke. Others please google it.

But the experts have given a thumbs up to this joint venture saying that it will help domestic aviation industry grow and offer better deals for the passengers. Only time will tell.

Secondly, Etihad's much awaited buy of equity stake in Jet. Etihad, which is expanding globally, has been in talks over an equity stake in Jet since September after India relaxed ownership rules and allowed foreign airlines to buy up to 49 percent in local carriers. Etihad is however looking for a stake of 24 percent valued at about $330 million. 

The deal promises brighter days for both the parties. For Jet, it will propel them to the top of the pile and add much needed boost of funds. As for Etihad, it will guarantee them presence in India - the potential international commerce hub in the years to come. System well Sheikh-en I must say.

However the deal is poised at a standstill as the businessmen from the Gulf are extra cautious of their investment. There are several instances of past failed forays by Gulf investors into India and Etihad does not wish to be bitten by the same bug. More recent news suggest that August will be the likely time that the knot will be tied. Mind it, this is still a much better love story than Twilight. 

And lastly the never ending Kingfisher saga. The Airports Authority of India has asked the airline to cough out the pending Rs. 300 crores or let the flights remain grounded forever. Nowadays the only things remotely close to Mr. Mallya which are sky high are the sixes being hit by Chris Gayle and Virat Kohli's ego.

The renewal of flying permits seem to be a distant dream and the maintenance of the aeroplanes much costlier than Sid Mallya. I truly sympathize with Mallya Sr. but government and SBI have not given up on him. Government with their vested interests has to open up new avenues to get in foreign money have announced 49 percent partnership and SBI are selling heaps of paper scrap earlier know as shares/scrips of Kingfisher Airlines Ltd. 

So its not a strange thing that at the recently concluded IPL6 auction, Mr. Mallya insisted upon auctioning his Kingfisher Airlines and even his heir Mr. Sid Mallya !! 

So this is the current situation of the Indian Aviation industry with Ajit Singh Chaudhary at his helm. The other Ajit is pissing in the dams while for this Ajit the scenario is damn pissing. India shinning !!

A Budget story of a different kind !!

Once upon a time there was a man called Chidu living with his small family of 246 people. His predominant errand around the house was to look after the finances of the house. They had some real nosy neighbours who meddled into their scheme of things and always objected at whatever this poor soul did. But little this lungi clad number crunching simpleton know what was in store for him. Tired of the taunts made by the neighbours, his 'Near Complete Indian' mom with slight Italian roots asked him to step up and be the man. He was asked to do the near impossible but the deeds were under his skillset. Declare a budget which will not just please the neighbours but also the Gods and make his family an instant favorite among the villagers.

Up stepped Chidu closely watched by Asardar uncle and the village headman Shendi. A bow of the head to the septuagenarian Miraji and he started his speech with some assertiveness. He was not shy to accept some of the past mistakes the village and specifically his family had done. On the flip side he gave some of highly diabetes laden sweeteners which definitely made some eyes sparkle with ghee ... sorry glee !!

He was in a dilemma where he had to keep the family's head held high which meant that mellow down the errors. On the other hand .. since we are on this .. hand was their family emblem. Whoaa, you didnt see that coming, did you ?? So, some of the points which he made where as a disguise in front of the villagers. Populist was the word here. He walked this tightrope pretty well considering the situation he was put in.

First point was to reduce fiscal deficit faced by the village. Time to rake in the revenue and curb the expenditure. The unheralded stack of grain was supposed to go out of this procrastinating land on a regular basis in order to maintain some parity. Room for expenditure was increased but that was in due consideration that there will be more Chintus and Pintus this fiscal. Also another more grave point was the excess imports over exports. Chidu named it as CAD so that the villagers feel it is some high society acronym. Quite a stellar fellow this guy. This gave the clear indication, dont run behind precious yellow metals and oil. That is just for the metros and suburbs. Just in case you wish to be behind the precious, show some self sustenance or atleast minimal dependency. Some laughed, some passed sly remarks, Chidu stood tall adjusting his lungi.

For the villagers there were some cheers while there was some booing. The high end animal carts were made dearer. Engine driven carts even more. The rich were flabbergasted. The carts producing local even more. What even enraged them more was there beloved chiroots and hookahs were to come at bomb of a price. The men slightly annoyed while the women exchanged hi fives. No more idle-sitting, chiroot-smoking man of the house. One even imagined mustache wielding better half of her sucking on a lollipop instead of a cigar. Import duties on expensive gadgets was increased as well. All the clauses were going in the direction of sucking the rich high and dry. Some of the wealthy had seen enough and were leaving for their respective mansions. The parting shot was the 10% extra tax levied on those earning more than the village average. Gaping mouths. Shitting bricks.

Well there was another flavor to this budget. Power to the women. Chidu announced a fully functional all women money lending organization. This one was for the women, by the women and of the women. Female Finance Democracy. Women did the fist bumps while moneylenders did the facepalms. Chidu smiles. Chidu, you playboy !!

There were various new schemes introduced for the village investors based on the names of leaders of yesteryears. A ploy well worked. The average villagers tax problems were solved with introduction of nominal but important tax credit. The tax slabs were the same and so were the sentiments of people. Much of the emphasis was kept on the people at large.

Shifting the focus to the people outside, Chidu made some smart moves. Simplification of investment norms meant that the rich metros will invest in the village produce and realty. Special provisions and funds were allotted to building warehouses too. All were ominous signs for investment from outside. There was postponement of RAAG, the retrospective tax laws.

There were points aplenty but that we will leave to the Oswals and Jains to brainstorm upon. This was just what the young man Chidu did. He ended his account with a sonnet from his favorite poet. This budget had now officially seen it all. Emotions galore. Chidu steps down and walks the walk. #LikeABoss

Gentleman's Game or new Circus in Town !!

India is a nation which breathes sports and the mother of all sports here is Cricket. Well thats wrong on some levels. If cricket is introduced as a religion, people wont think twice to jump across and adopt it in the same way how Dhoni has adopted Ravindra Jadeja. Even the most minute of any cricketing activity takes place, people sit and take notice. Just no mere noticing facts, but we will take those couple of steps ahead and chew and ruminate these facts. Finally spit the by product, sometimes its a piece of news or moral while some other time its a whole individual. Now I feel how Aditya Pancholi feels. Bollywood is so cruel !!

So when India witnessed one of its precursors to another Cricket-esque circus i.e. IPL auction, the excitement of the commoners knew no bounds. For a country where the movie heroes take oaths of being above any kind of money and lust, these cricketers go under the hammer as easy as taking candy away from a baby. Are these cricketers mere puppets in this entire glamour show ? Lets ask Mr. Manmohan Singh ... ... ... ... Ok .. so moving on !! *Awkward*

So even if the world at large seems to struggle in terms of economic conditions, here at the IPL auction there were some deep pockets being emptied on the table and everyone was all in !! This being the sixth auction, the nine teams which were a part of this gala event spent a combined total of $11.89 million (Rs.64 crore approximately) on purchasing 37 players, as against 25 players at last year's event. So the usual suspects were there, the MIs and the CSKs but apart from that there was one major change. The Deccan's charge no more existed and was replaced by Sun TV channel sponsored Sun Risers - A new team from Hyderabad.

The story of the entire auction was Aussie Aussie Aussie !! Yay Yay Yay !! The major coup being Glenn Max (All is) Well. The Victorian all rounder fetched a massive $1 million from Mumbai Indians. The biggest price in the auction. Melbourne just witnessed the Maxwell family doing a series of cartwheels and standing sommersaults on the streets. Also there were big paydays for some of the little heard Aussie boys like Kane Richardson, Coulter-Nile and Ben Laughlin. Not to forget Mr. Punter - Ricky Ponting who will be seen sharing tele space with the Little Master Sachin Tendulkar himself when they open the innings for Mumbai Indians in the coming season. Some of the other prominent players to go under the hammer where Michael Clarke, Darren Sammy and Ajantha Mendis. Abhishek Nayar was the top grossing Indian with almost 7 times the base amount. The comic relief of the day went to Sun RISERS when they signed Quinton De KOCK .. quite a match this !!

Setting up this grand affair only cost millions of bucks plus the hospitality of the bidders. And taking a leaf out of this money spinning book, people are setting up their own versions for every sport. There is already a Hockey League in place based on this. iLeague (football)was already there, trust me it was. Now we have Badminton and Boxing planning competitions and leagues on similar business model. Even our Bollywood celebrities are not far behind. They have their own cricket variation - Celebrity Cricket League with the Veer Marathis & Bhojpuri Dabangs. Time will come when there will be Kite Flying Super League or Marbles Champions League. 

The names or the players that were auctioned were not surprising. After all they are talented individuals who have done well for club or country. However the money spent on them and the manner in which it is spent. Phenomenal amount of money is spent sometimes even on unproven talent. Even Ted Mosby's kids have a better probability of knowing their mother than some of these franchisees knowing how their players can deliver. Gone are the days when the Dames & the Sires were sitting in the pavilions at Lords and appreciating each master cricket shot with an applause set of three claps. Now its all cheer leaders, DJs and vuvuzelas. But life comes a full circle and yours truly is pretty sure that those days will come again. And yes Mr. W.G. Grace is waiting for you !!

The Gold and the Loans !!

With the recent surge in the markets, we saw a big impetus in the books of Gold Loan Financing companies ... The big Ms - Mannapuram n Muthoot finance especially. Even the markets are going ga-ga over the performance. So what exactly is the business model of these Gold Loan financing companies ? 

Many of these companies have been quoting astronomical growth figures, supported by unrelenting demand from a public increasingly looking at gold more as an investment than as a piece of jewellery. Something which has proved to be a big deviation from the otherwise socially conservative Indian culture and the 'whole family jewels need to be safeguarded' issue. Its as strange as Nirupa Roy with extravagant makeup and short skirt partying in Hard Rock Cafe. 

So basically the model works in a very simple manner. Gold jewellery as well as gold in other forms is collected and taken to one of these Gold loan financing companies and kept as collateral for small term say 6 months to one year. In return loan amount upto as high as 10-15 lakhs is transacted to the investor and the gold is kept safe with the organization. The gold is returned once the payment is made. So yeah .. no rocket science.

One more fact to ponder is that what do these organizations do with the gold jewellery in the mean time? Well it just stays with them in the safe lockers and no, it is neither showcased on their public mannequin Bappi Lahiri's body nor invested further to cover the opportunity cost.

Conveniently speaking, these gold loan financing companies are working more on the lines of probability of default. With the yellow metal in sight, they will obviously look towards the investors to default so that the 'Precious' can be there's to keep. Thats why all the terms and conditions are super lucrative which make the risk averse of all drool away in greed. As opposed to 12-15% interest rate on personal loans, people are still opting for 20-24% gold loan rate as it is still better than 35 odd % offered by the unorganized moneylenders. Enough of the numbers coz numbers do not justify anything, ask poor Wasim Jaffer !! Bad Bad Srini uncle !!

Another thing which acts in the favour of these gold loans is that you get the loan with the minimum of fuss and that too in a jiffy. It is said that the loan amount is said to be transferred in just an hour. Some gold loan financing institutions guarantee transfer of money in 6 minutes flat. Thats a laymen equivalent of 6 cups of ready to eat noodles. Phenomenal !!

Secondly, minimal paperwork is what is asked for. Just a photo ID and one pan card copy here or passport copy there should do the trick. No credit history is asked. Infact there is a huge advantage if the investor defaults. It works well for those people to whom regulated banks and NBFC wont give loans. Again a win-win for the parties involved.

The next and one of the decisive fact about these Gold loan financing companies is the penetration of the same across India. Each nook and corner seems to be having an office of a gold loan company. There might not be a convenience store but gold loan finance we have !! No wonder the market share of the Big Ms has risen to almost 1/3rd of the organized market. Let the celebrations begin !!

Finally these companies are leaving no stone unturned. Roping in celebrities, regional or even the Tees Maar Khan of Bollywood for promotions is like the ultimate step. And yes, in this celebrity inspired innocent India its working. So we leave you with one glimpse of the brand ambassador of a gold loan company, telling you what to do to the worries once you are their member - A big Bye Bye !!

The Sachin Tendulkar Conundrum

Finally we witnessed the day when we the tears could not be held back, no I did not mean the unofficial retirement of Uday Chopra from Bollywood, it is the official retirement of the Master Blaster from One Day International cricket. 'Sir' Sachin finally made the call which millions of his fans dreaded he would. Alas ODI cricket is now an orphan.

On the other side, everyone's Facebook & Twitter timelines were flooded with Sachin Tendulkar verbal memorabilia. Right from tribute videos to pictures of you with him, his autograph, his family, his dog (if any), his gardener, his dhobi etc were doing the rounds. There were wisecracks and small puns a plenty. Right from politicians to Page 3 celebs all were dragged into the same tweet or status update to make the pun even more tangy. Those politicians and Page 3 celebs felt good for a change after being put in the same line. I think a tear just rolled down Manmohan Singh's cheek there !!!

Thats just a one day effect on the social platforms, but what about the world at large ?

Has the money churning machine for many a corporates and even the BCCI result into huge losses or lack of revenue !! 

The decision of retirement from one-day cricket will set the stage for a new phase in the life cycle of one of India's most iconic celebrity brands. As his form has dipped in the past few months, many big brands and consumer goods companies have dropped Sachin or significantly reduced the number of his television advertisement spots from their media plans. At present, Tendulkar is the face for about 17 brands and earns between Rs 5 crore and Rs 8 crore per brand annually. Many of his endorsement contracts are set to expire between now and 2014.

Theories have already started that owing to the Master's retirement he will not be a hit among the products targeted towards the youth and would fit the bill with the more matured banking and financial products. So get set to see Tendulkar sell insurance products for Aviva more than bubblegum and biscuits for ITC. Whatever the pundits say, he is and always will be a hit among the millions of fans and yeah the BCCI too for the following reason:

In the mean time, Mr. Sachin Tendulkar will get back to spending more time in many of his other businesses. First of which is the family, and next is his political family. Being a Rajya Sabha MP is no small task and surrounded by the 'Lords' from the Parliament makes it even harder. We all pity his plight. And yes, there is some cricket to look forward to as well. His heart Mumbai is calling for his services against Services. That wordplay came out well !! Pheww !!

There are many other options for the Little Master post his complete retirement. There is commentary where he can again end a few careers there too. Then there is umpiring and even cricket coaching. Away from cricket the master can look forward to benefitting the society and starting his cricket themed restaurants again or start his own merchandising. Or he could just leave this to the Kohlis n Sharmas of this world and concentrate on what he does best - Play Cricket. But yes there is this one additional responsibility, Play God !!