From China to Chandni Chowk

No .. we are not reversing the atrocities which we faced thanks to Akshay Kumar on to the Chinese folks. Its more of a moniker to the recent visit by the Chinese Premier Li Keiqang. This visit comes after recent tense border standoff between the two Asian giants. Obviously the two sides did not meet to discuss the current trends and scenarios of contraceptives given that both the nations are population stricken. That discussion is outsourced to Bangladesh, afterall let them atleast contribute something to the World after Shakib Al Hasan.

So coming to the purpose of the visit again, it was basically to discuss the bilateral tensions between the two countires. Premier Li Keqiang met with Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and the two leaders emphasized that efforts should be made to resolve the border dispute between the two countries which led to a bloody war in early sixties. The minutes of the meeting are interesting though. Li hogged the speaking bandwidth and MMS' interpreter was the relaxed of the lot.

First and foremost, the border issue. There are two aspects: Sino Indian border and South China sea. Both are similar in nature as China has shown agressive tactics in both the regions. And days after encroachment along the border, Li offers a somewhat broken olive branch and takes an affirmative for MMS' silence. Its funny that more Chinese marching towards the border is looked upon as more labour for the 'Chinese Corner' handkarts in the ghettos of Metropolitians.

Second major point Li wanted to emphasize was on bilateral trade. China has become India’s biggest trading partner in recent times. Facts show that two-way trade jumped from $5 billion in 2002 to nearly $75 billion in 2011, although that figure declined to $61.5 billion last year because of the global economic slowdown. However bigger concern is that trade remains heavily skewed in China’s favor. But both sides seem to be quite optimistic that their goal of bringing bilateral trade volume to $100 billion in 2015 is attainable. What this means is that except loads of Chinese plastic goods in Delhi's Pallika Bazaar and Mumbai's Manish Market. One can so imagine Li Keiqang as a new age squinty eyed Santa Claus with no ability  to grow a beard and ready to dump his 'low quality' goods all over your city.

What the F moment here is that Li terms this visit as fresh strategic perspective to look at Indo-China relations and fostering economic relations as well but also makes curious inquiries with our grateful neighbours. China has shored up their relationships with Nepal & Sri Lanka and I am very apathetic to our unworthy western neighbours. As if the Italian governess was not enough to toy with our baby at the helm, that this Chinese baby sitter arrived too.

But there has to be some payback. I say take Li to the various Oriental spas around the city and ask him to recognize who among those masseuses is of Chinese origin. I say take him to Chinese handkart and make him have Chicken manchow soup one by two with fried noodles and extra schezwan. I say make him watch The Myth over and over again and make him thank us for Mallika Sherawat. Last but not the least, I say make him buy a gPhone or an hPhone and use it for a month without repairs. Then dont blame me if Li goes ballistic ...