From China to Chandni Chowk

No .. we are not reversing the atrocities which we faced thanks to Akshay Kumar on to the Chinese folks. Its more of a moniker to the recent visit by the Chinese Premier Li Keiqang. This visit comes after recent tense border standoff between the two Asian giants. Obviously the two sides did not meet to discuss the current trends and scenarios of contraceptives given that both the nations are population stricken. That discussion is outsourced to Bangladesh, afterall let them atleast contribute something to the World after Shakib Al Hasan.

So coming to the purpose of the visit again, it was basically to discuss the bilateral tensions between the two countires. Premier Li Keqiang met with Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and the two leaders emphasized that efforts should be made to resolve the border dispute between the two countries which led to a bloody war in early sixties. The minutes of the meeting are interesting though. Li hogged the speaking bandwidth and MMS' interpreter was the relaxed of the lot.

First and foremost, the border issue. There are two aspects: Sino Indian border and South China sea. Both are similar in nature as China has shown agressive tactics in both the regions. And days after encroachment along the border, Li offers a somewhat broken olive branch and takes an affirmative for MMS' silence. Its funny that more Chinese marching towards the border is looked upon as more labour for the 'Chinese Corner' handkarts in the ghettos of Metropolitians.

Second major point Li wanted to emphasize was on bilateral trade. China has become India’s biggest trading partner in recent times. Facts show that two-way trade jumped from $5 billion in 2002 to nearly $75 billion in 2011, although that figure declined to $61.5 billion last year because of the global economic slowdown. However bigger concern is that trade remains heavily skewed in China’s favor. But both sides seem to be quite optimistic that their goal of bringing bilateral trade volume to $100 billion in 2015 is attainable. What this means is that except loads of Chinese plastic goods in Delhi's Pallika Bazaar and Mumbai's Manish Market. One can so imagine Li Keiqang as a new age squinty eyed Santa Claus with no ability  to grow a beard and ready to dump his 'low quality' goods all over your city.

What the F moment here is that Li terms this visit as fresh strategic perspective to look at Indo-China relations and fostering economic relations as well but also makes curious inquiries with our grateful neighbours. China has shored up their relationships with Nepal & Sri Lanka and I am very apathetic to our unworthy western neighbours. As if the Italian governess was not enough to toy with our baby at the helm, that this Chinese baby sitter arrived too.

But there has to be some payback. I say take Li to the various Oriental spas around the city and ask him to recognize who among those masseuses is of Chinese origin. I say take him to Chinese handkart and make him have Chicken manchow soup one by two with fried noodles and extra schezwan. I say make him watch The Myth over and over again and make him thank us for Mallika Sherawat. Last but not the least, I say make him buy a gPhone or an hPhone and use it for a month without repairs. Then dont blame me if Li goes ballistic ...

Not mere Cricketers !!!

Once Sir Don Bradman said that 'May cricket continue to flourish and spread its wings. The world can only be richer for it'. And richer it got. Right from Packer's World Tourney to the ongoing IPL, cricketers are minting money. But what if it wasnt the case and cricket was upstaged by another game say croquet. Folks, please settle down its not going to happen, just imagine !! Then in that case what do these already rich, situational poor cricketers do ? Alternate profession calling ..

Some of the past cricketers have already made their transition in other facets and trades of life successfully and then there is somebody like Vinod Kambli and his movie career. No no, Agent Vinod was not the one. It was Annarth which is also how one can describe his movie career.

Take the instance of Pathan brothers - Yusuf & Irfan. Both explosive allrounders, one hits all bowlers out of the park while other troubles the best of the best batsmen with his swing and guile. These brothers are always ready for action and always into the thick of things which makes me think that they will have an awesome alternate career as action directors like our very own Abbas Mustan. Clad in such whites that even Tide and Ariel would run for cover and gold chains around the neck. With beefy dudes ready to put their bodies on the line and pretty girls waiting for their directions, all they say is Lights, Camera & Action !!

Then there is Ishant Sharma. Gods answer to a child's query when he asked how would a horse man look like. Ishant Sharma, the tall lanky galloping paceman is and will be a force to reckon with when it comes to pace bowling on green tops and has a good resume when it comes terrorizing some of India's worthy opponents. This apart he has a brilliant scope and fit when it comes to acting in mythological serials. He can become a low budget movie's Jesus Christ or even one of either Nakul or Sahdev. If the project has severe budget constraints, he can portray all the Pandavas as well as 34 Kauravas as well. The only need would be some pillows around the body to play Gadadhari Bheem. Last we heard Kanti Shah was frantically calling him for one of his esteemed projects.

Joginder Sharma - the Indian cricketing Legend who bowled us to T20 glory. Period. Frankly thats the only thing his record says. What a claim to fame it was and made him the darling of the country. But Jogi babu has and by now must have embraced his alternate profession. He can be the brand ambassador of pity and compassion. He can be India's official face when we take our pleas to the World Bank for funding and when we apply to International Sports Committees for letting us host Sports events. What Manmohan is to silence, Jogi Babu is to pity.

Shahbaz Nadeem is one upcoming slow left arm bowler who represents Jharkhand and Delhi Daredevils. Some of his performances and his miserly bowling have made people sit and take notice. But Shahbaz Nadeem has that killer persona, quite literally. He can be that second in command to Sardar Khan or whoever is the main male protagonist in the next edition of Wasseypur series and chant all along 'Keh ke lunga sabki' in the entire movie. If not there he has the sequels of Shor in the city or Shangai to look for as well.

Then there are Sanju Samson and Sachin Baby. Both are upcoming talented batsmen hailing from Kerala who play for Rajasthan Royals in the ongoing IPL. However both seem to be those guys who run a makeshift hierarchical home turned resort out of Goa or Pondichery. One can only see them as those cool flowery shirt clad lads saying 'Welcome to India' to each passing tourist.

Amit Mishra, India's premier leg spinner who not only has performed consistently at domestic level but also is the only spinner ever to claim 3 hat tricks in IPL so far. This master spinner is known for having one of the better googly ball but his alternate career is a very conventional one. Mishraji, as some call him fondly, seems that average joe kind of guy who sits behind the table of a municipal office and demands a small bribe at the fall of a pin. Mishraji will arrive one hour late and leave one hour early and that pot belly needs atleast one hour of lunch. No hat tricks here, every business will strictly be under the table. Silence please !!

Ashok Dinda is the head band wielding fast bowler from Bengal and has also represented India at the highest level. Off late he has proved to be a batsman's paradise. With his black hairband and coupled with a mosquito netted vest and a lungi, he is that around the corner butcher who specializes in those special cuts of meat. And where will he get a better assistant than his Bengal team mate 'Shammi' Ahmad to deliver those cuts on demand to the residents of the area. Gourmet delights for everyone.

Finally there is Ashish Nehra. No list can be completed without his mention and this is no difference. Nehra was once a premium left arm fast bowler India was proud to have the services of. Who can forget his 6 wicket haul which blew England away. Now he is having his renaissance period and is back to business with the IPL. Well, owing purely to his teeth he can have a variety of alternate careers. For Nehra it might be a regular set of teeth but for everyone else it is one versatile set of tools. Need to plough your field - Call Nehra. Need to dig sand for building sand castles - Call Nehra. Need to open a bottle of beer - Call Nehra. It is as if he comes with this note attached with him 'Nehra Mein Hoon, Daant Idhar Hain'. 

**All the images are courtesy Google and links suggested by Google. Although yours truly has tweaked those images to match the contents of the blog