Once upon a time there was a man called Chidu living with his small family of 246 people. His predominant errand around the house was to look after the finances of the house. They had some real nosy neighbours who meddled into their scheme of things and always objected at whatever this poor soul did. But little this lungi clad number crunching simpleton know what was in store for him. Tired of the taunts made by the neighbours, his 'Near Complete Indian' mom with slight Italian roots asked him to step up and be the man. He was asked to do the near impossible but the deeds were under his skillset. Declare a budget which will not just please the neighbours but also the Gods and make his family an instant favorite among the villagers.
Up stepped Chidu closely watched by Asardar uncle and the village headman Shendi. A bow of the head to the septuagenarian Miraji and he started his speech with some assertiveness. He was not shy to accept some of the past mistakes the village and specifically his family had done. On the flip side he gave some of highly diabetes laden sweeteners which definitely made some eyes sparkle with ghee ... sorry glee !!He was in a dilemma where he had to keep the family's head held high which meant that mellow down the errors. On the other hand .. since we are on this .. hand was their family emblem. Whoaa, you didnt see that coming, did you ?? So, some of the points which he made where as a disguise in front of the villagers. Populist was the word here. He walked this tightrope pretty well considering the situation he was put in.
First point was to reduce fiscal deficit faced by the village. Time to rake in the revenue and curb the expenditure. The unheralded stack of grain was supposed to go out of this procrastinating land on a regular basis in order to maintain some parity. Room for expenditure was increased but that was in due consideration that there will be more Chintus and Pintus this fiscal. Also another more grave point was the excess imports over exports. Chidu named it as CAD so that the villagers feel it is some high society acronym. Quite a stellar fellow this guy. This gave the clear indication, dont run behind precious yellow metals and oil. That is just for the metros and suburbs. Just in case you wish to be behind the precious, show some self sustenance or atleast minimal dependency. Some laughed, some passed sly remarks, Chidu stood tall adjusting his lungi.
For the villagers there were some cheers while there was some booing. The high end animal carts were made dearer. Engine driven carts even more. The rich were flabbergasted. The carts producing local even more. What even enraged them more was there beloved chiroots and hookahs were to come at bomb of a price. The men slightly annoyed while the women exchanged hi fives. No more idle-sitting, chiroot-smoking man of the house. One even imagined mustache wielding better half of her sucking on a lollipop instead of a cigar. Import duties on expensive gadgets was increased as well. All the clauses were going in the direction of sucking the rich high and dry. Some of the wealthy had seen enough and were leaving for their respective mansions. The parting shot was the 10% extra tax levied on those earning more than the village average. Gaping mouths. Shitting bricks.
Well there was another flavor to this budget. Power to the women. Chidu announced a fully functional all women money lending organization. This one was for the women, by the women and of the women. Female Finance Democracy. Women did the fist bumps while moneylenders did the facepalms. Chidu smiles. Chidu, you playboy !!
There were various new schemes introduced for the village investors based on the names of leaders of yesteryears. A ploy well worked. The average villagers tax problems were solved with introduction of nominal but important tax credit. The tax slabs were the same and so were the sentiments of people. Much of the emphasis was kept on the people at large.
Shifting the focus to the people outside, Chidu made some smart moves. Simplification of investment norms meant that the rich metros will invest in the village produce and realty. Special provisions and funds were allotted to building warehouses too. All were ominous signs for investment from outside. There was postponement of RAAG, the retrospective tax laws.
There were points aplenty but that we will leave to the Oswals and Jains to brainstorm upon. This was just what the young man Chidu did. He ended his account with a sonnet from his favorite poet. This budget had now officially seen it all. Emotions galore. Chidu steps down and walks the walk. #LikeABoss
